Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
