i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
