dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Say something about gay babies.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
