Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
