She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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