Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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