i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
