my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
