It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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