i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
