i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
