I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
