the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
