I smell stomach acid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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