Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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