I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
