just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
