How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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