I just cut my nipple shaving
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
