I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
