Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The Olympian is in my bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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