No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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