Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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