turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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