soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can you repeat that, but with context?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
