Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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