I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
