just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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