It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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