its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
