I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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