I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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