3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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