You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
