I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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