We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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