Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
