Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
