she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
