Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
