And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
