You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
