i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
