And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
