If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
