So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left an ass print on the piano.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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