My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
