You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
