During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
