just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
