He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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