I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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