using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
