Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
