During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
