If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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