Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
