I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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