I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
