Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
