I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
