I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
