Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
