Nicole vs. Life
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
