he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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