That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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