as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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