STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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