Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
