just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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