so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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