Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
