I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
