Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
